I have to say that I think I have fallen in love with my baby girl. Before she was born, I had all those feelings of inadequacy that I think you have with each new baby. All the questions kept going through my mind, like will I love her as much as the boys? Will I be a good mommy to a little girl? Will I remember to put bows in her hair and dress her cute? I was so worried. But, once again, I am amazed at how much your love just grows and grows for your baby every day.
The first night in the hospital, Avery was having a hard time sleeping. I wanted to go to sleep so bad, at least for a few hours. But, she was just so alert. Finally at 1:30 in the morning, I put her in bed next to me. I moved all the pillows and just layed next to her. The nurses were really mad when they came in at 4:30 a.m., but both of us just slept next to each other for 3 hours. It was wonderful. I woke up and felt that bonding feeling, like, oh I just love you so much. I think she just wanted to be next to me & I was surprised at how much I just wanted to be next to her.
I love every morning getting her dressed. I love glueing bows in her hair. I am surprising even myself. I thought for sure she would always look like a tom-boy. (I guess there will be time for that later). But, I guess I am writing this because I am amazed at how much fun it is to be a mom again.
My friend asked me what I thought about the first time I did her laundry. It was funny because I had thought about it that very morning. I looked at her pile of laundry in our room....it was all pink.... I thought that was so cute.
Logan finally decided he wanted to hold Avery yesterday. He has been very sweet to her. He kisses her and talks to her. He was just nervous to hold her. So, this was a very special moment. She has two of the best big brothers ever. Logan still loves to wear his big brother shirt. It is cracking me up.
What I'm Nervous About: What am I going to do this week when Mike goes back to work? On Friday, I had a major dose of reality & I didn't handle it well. Mike was gone for a few hours. Then, everyone needed me at the same time. Avery was screaming, she was hungry. Logan had a little owie on his hand. Daven was hungry. Logan wanted milk. I didn't know what to do. I just froze. I felt like I had to choose between my kids. I decided to let Avery cry for a minute and help Logan w/ his owie. Then, I decided to feed her. Everyone else could wait a few minutes for lunch. I cried for like 2 hours that afternoon thinking how am I going to do this. (I think part of it is the hormones that are going crazy right now. I actually feel a little better today). But all I have to say, is I know so many people with 3 and 4 kids. I have a new respect for you! I decided I'm just going to take it one day at a time (and sometimes one hour at a time) for a while.
Avery had a 4-hour stretch last night, so I"m thinking a little more clearly today...hopefully that will help as the week starts tomorrow.
2 comments:
I had the same problem when it came to feeding time. I got 2 bins, one for each child, and put a few snacks and some "special" toys they could only play with while I was nursing. It seemed to help.
Yep, take it one day at a time. Everyone will adjust. Just remember that you are doing the best you can and try not to be too hard on yourself! She is a doll!
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